i just feel like saying this somewhere

okay so i said something mean & innappropriate yesterday to my friend and she was like that is inappropriate but then i told my other friend and she thought it was funny and i was like they thought it was crude and WHAT IF THE FIRST FRIEND TOLD ME OH NO AND THINKS I AM A BITCH
WHY DO I CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK

these big town dreams that I've been chasing/will never come true if I wind up staying.

I'm sick of feeling worthless and I'm sick of pretending I don't.
I hate that society teaches you that your self-worth is connected to which guys "like" you.
I am sick of this town, and I am sick of my school. I'm tired of being around sixteen year-old kids who drink. I'm tired of people being nice to when I look nice and bad to me when I look bad.

I need to get out of this town.

Why doesn't anyone NICE ever like me?

personality test

Introspective

You like your own company; you're a very interesting person. Tracking your own mental processes, knowing what you're thinking and why you do what you do, is important to you. Often, what's going on in your mind is more compelling than what's going on outside. For the most part, those with a high score on the "introspective" trait enjoy reading, taking long walks, learning new things, and other solitary activities.

You are not someone who is constantly looking to be among a group of friends; you never feel bored when you are by yourself.

Aesthetic

You appreciate art, beauty, and design; you know that they are not superficial but absolutely crucial to living the good life. You have good taste, and you're proud of it. Those with a high score on the "aesthetic" trait are often employed in literary or artistic professions, enjoy domestic activities — doing things around the house — and are enthusiastic about the arts, reading, and travel.

You don't think it's pretentious to be moved by art and beauty. You're not one of those who believe it doesn't matter what something looks like as long as it does its job.

Original

You are constantly coming up with new ideas. For you, the world as it exists is just a jumping-off place; what's going on inside your mind is often more interesting than what's going on outside.

You don't feel that the road to success is to be a realist and stick to the program; you never stop yourself from coming up with new ideas or telling the world what you're thinking about.

Curious

You like to get to the bottom of things. You're not content knowing what someone did; you want to know why they did it.

You don't simply take things as they are and move on; you're not content skimming along on the surface; you don't feel you're wasting time by digging for the meaning of things.

Accessible

You're comfortable expressing yourself in words and actions, with no self-censorship. You believe that if someone doesn't like what they see it's not your problem, but theirs. A high score on the "accessible" trait suggests that you have a lot of friends, socialize often, and enjoy rap/hip-hop music.

You don't see the need to keep your thoughts to yourself, or to have a zone of privacy that encompasses only yourself and a small circle of friends and relatives.

Impulsive

You trust your your instincts. What others may see as rash behavior is, for you, simply going with your gut. Individuals with a high score on the "impulsive" trait tend to try new, sometimes outrageous, things.

You are not timid. For you, spending time microscopically examining the pros and cons of every decision means never getting anything accomplished.

Innovative

You come up with a lot of ideas; if one doesn't work out, there's always another waiting in the wings. You often have interesting solutions to difficult problems. You're practically a one-person brainstorming session.

You are less interested changing the world than in dealing with things as they are. Unlike those who spend all their time trying to solve problems, you prefer to zero in on things that work and stick with them.

Creative

You are good at solving problems, coming up with original ideas, and seeing connections between things, connections that most other people miss. People with a high score on the "creative" trait often are employed in such fields as finance and scientific research, and enjoy avant garde and classical music as well as literary fiction and scholarly non-fiction.

You do not shun abstractions and concepts in favor of the concrete and tangible.

Intellectual

You are thoughtful, rational, and comfortable in the world of ideas. People find you interesting to talk to. You're the living embodiment of the saying "You learn something new every day." In general, those with a high score on the "intellectual" trait are employed in such fields as teaching and research, and are enthusiastic about reading, foreign films, and classical music.

You do not avoid abstract conversation, experimenting with new ideas, or studying new things. It bores you to stick to the straight and narrow of what you already know.

Astute

You are a quick study. You generally don't need to have things explained to you more than once. When presented with a problem, you will often have an instant understanding of where to look for the solution.

You do not take your sweet time when presented with a new task to complete or problem to solve. You don't avoid assignments that require you to learn new skills.

FUN FUN FUN

aw i had fun yesterday and todayyyyyyy. it's rare that i hang out with people without thinking, "dang, i wish i was online instead" and i actually managed that.

plus i have a lunch table secured for next year. *fist pump*

Leave a legacy.

My novels will be my horcruxes
pieces of my soul that make me immortal
(i'll die
but they'll stay
and people can read them
and know me)

Deathly Hallows part 2 spoilers ahead~

Times I cried~
- Snape's death and memories
- Fred's dead body
- Dead bodies of Remus and Tonks
- When Hermione offers to go with Harry to the Forbidden Forest and die
- When Hagrid is tied up and believes that Harry is dead
- Every other second

Times I screamed and scared the rest of the theater~
- THE FUGGING KISS BETWEEN RON AND HERMIONE

&Ron calling Hermione his girlfriend omg.

i never much cared for princes as a child.

or princesses. i really admired girls who were fighters, like the powerpuff girls & totally spies.

and i recall my first crushes being awkward boys.

#musings

if you think about it, i'm really kind of a pathetic person.

i mean, i guess it just depends on the viewpoint from which i'm being analyzed, but i'm not one for partying. i mean, i was with my uncle today and he's actually my favorite but he was the total party guy back in college (which is kind of funny to think of now--he's a total family person) but i don't know it just made me feel kind of dumb because he was saying how much fun i'll have drinking in college, and i know i honestly won't have THAT sort of fun; i'll just have my sort of fun being on tumblr and reading and writing novels. and that's all i want to do.

this is really a pathetic rant in itself but basically i dont' like when people don't respect that i'm a nerd.

lonely

i don't know if ranting will make me feel better or worse, but i'm sick of my friends.
i know i'm like "an old soul" and dont' really fit in with teenagers anyway, but still.
it just sucks not having anyone to hang out with. we can go to like movies and stuff, but we can't just chill at someone's house because there's nothing to talk about. conversations feel forced, and that isnt' how it should be with friends.

the problem with people

or problem(s)


their main problem is that they only see themselves. even if they see others, the picture of THEM is bigger. it's like they're the moon and others are stars. then, with some people, they see themselves as the sun. in that case, their light shines so bright that you can't see the stars. they're still there, of course.

problem b is that everything is black and white. people are nice or mean; ugly or pretty; interesting or boring. there's not a grey area for them.

and that's the thing about people themselves- no one is a bitch, or a whore, or an asshole, or a god, or cool.
we're like the earth; we have a crust, a mantle, and a core.
there is so much more to us than what we show. people like to be able to put other people into neat boxes, and you just can't do that. because we all contradict ourselves.





have i mentioned my love/hate relationship with people?

note to self; stop allowing the bad seeds to ruin people for you. especially since you love thinking about them so much and analyzing them.

"Just because I talk slow doesn't mean I'm stupid!" - Sweet Home Alabama

Although this quote would be technically "better" to some people if it was "speak slowly", I think it's perfectly adorable and eloquent as it is.
And you can't imagine how much I love it.
As a resident of the South, I have the sort of accent that always draws the question "Where are you from?"
Sometimes kindly, sometimes condescendingly.

But what really bugs me is when people tell me that I need to change the way I talk, because I sound uneducated.

An accent CANNOT make someone seem uneducated. Only a lack of education can do that. Maybe I'm proud of where I'm from and I don't want to change, asshole.

mostly accurate

i'm so odd that honestly, sometimes i just can't be around people.
i'm too different and i don't fit in and it's just a bother!
i'm perfect happy and content on my own, with my laptop and some books and my dog.
i only go out in public when i can't write any more. people irk me, but they inspire me.
i dislike them, yet they intrique me.

the thing about my """friends""" is that they aren't really friends at all. they don't know me and they don't understand me and they don't particularly care to, or they would. i'm not that hard to figure out. i'm an open book, actually. it's just that no one is interested in reading me.

Words cannot convey how excited I am for John Green's new book.

"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars / But in ourselves."